


Hard To Say Goodbye

by rosiesmoon



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama & Romance, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-03-27 15:20:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19015561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosiesmoon/pseuds/rosiesmoon
Summary: They were fine, until they’re not.





	1. Chapter 1

Something has changed.

She has felt that for a while now. Her girlfriend’s smile isn’t the same anymore. Their conversations have become dull and boring. Sure it’s not always rainbows and butterflies, but this is different. Her Jennie — if she can still even call her that — doesn’t feel like her Jennie anymore.

Something has changed. And Jisoo was scared.

——

It was a rainy Friday night when the red haired girl decided to come home early from work. She thought that maybe she could cook something for her girlfriend. She hasn’t done it in a while and quite frankly, neither has Jennie because _babe, i’ve been busy work_

She cooked her girlfriend’s favorite — kimchi fried rice paired with mulled wine. A delightful dish, for her very pretty lady, she smiled in thought. Jisoo prepared the table and put some candles because she knows how much the cat eyed girl loves romantic dinner set ups.

It was nearing 10pm and Jisoo was starting to get worried. She texted her girlfriend an hour ago but it remained unanswered. She tried calling her but it went straight to voicemail. This has never happened before so out of worry, she called Lisa, her girlfriend’s co-worker.

It rang a few times when the blonde girl answered, “Hello? Jisoo? What’s up?” she asked curiously. It’s pretty unusual for the girl to call her because they’ve only talked twice and well, they’re not really friends. 

“Lisa! Hi. I’m sorry for bothering you but do you happen to know where Jennie is? She hasn’t answered any of my texts and calls and i’m getting worried. Did your boss hold you guys up again?”, Jisoo hoped that was the reason because she honestly can’t fathom the thought that her girlfriend might be in danger. 

“Oh no no, we actually got off early from work. The others went out for a drink so I think Jennie is with them”, Lisa said. Jisoo thanked her after that and wished the Thai girl good night. 

The red haired girl didn’t know what to feel. Was she not important enough for Jennie to not to tell her that bit of information? Hell, they’ve been together for 3 years! Of course they could have fun with friends and co-workers every once in a while but they never not tell each other their own plans.

Jisoo was fuming. Here she was, worried and unable to think well and Jennie was probably out somewhere having the time of her life. 

—-

It was 4am when Jisoo was woken up by an incessant knocking. _Jendeuk. She forgot her key again._

She opened the door and the sight in front of her made her jaw clench. Her girlfriend was wasted and she, for the life of her, couldn’t imagine how her favorite girl got home in this state of drunkenness. 

“Jisoo baby! I’ve missed you!”, she said in her slurred words as she kissed her girlfriend’s cheeks repeatedly.

Jisoo pulled away, “Jennie. What the hell happened to you? Did you know how worried I was? I haven’t even slept yet! How the fuck did you get home?!” She knew she wouldn’t get a clear response from her drunk girlfriend but she couldn’t help but show her frustration.

Jennie smiled and said, “Kai dropped me off. Remind me to text him in the morning to thank him!” She went straight to the kitchen, searching for something to drink.

Jisoo’s shoulders slumped at the mention of the boy’s name. She was aware that Kai had been making moves on Jennie but her girlfriend was always assuring her that Kai was just a friend. She can’t help but feel a little pang in her chest, though. Knowing that he was the one who took care of her.

The red haired girl wanted to argue but it was pointless. She knew Jennie wouldn’t remember this in the morning so she just helped her get in their bed and let her sleep.

Jisoo couldn’t find herself to do so.

_Everything is changing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is my first fic. Should I continue?


	2. Chapter 2

Jisoo knew she had to confront her girlfriend sooner or later, she just never had the guts to do so. She always hated it when Jennie and her argue because they would end up saying hurtful things to each other.

Last night was the last straw, though. She knew her girlfriend like the back of her hand and Jennie would never drink herself into oblivion like that unless there’s something bothering her. She had to talk to her. 

—

“Morning, Jis”, the cat eyed girl greeted her girlfriend with a kiss on the cheek. 

Jisoo took a deep breath, “Are we going to pretend like you didn’t come home drunk at 4am last night?” She didn’t mean to sound harsh, but there was no other way to address it.

Jennie was getting uncomfortable which irritated Jisoo because why can’t she just talk to her? But she tried to be gentle because she knows how sensitive her girlfriend is.

“Jennie.. talk to me, baby. Please”

Silence.

“Please, Jen. I know there’s something bothering you and I want you to tell me about it.”

Silence.

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE JENNIE, TALK T—“

“I’M NOT INLOVE WITH YOU ANYMORE!”

Jisoo has been hurt before. She fell down the bicycle when she was 10. She lost her dog when she was 15. She fell down the stairs, because God knows she’s the clumsiest woman on earth. But nothing could ever compare to the pain she felt upon hearing those words. 

She swallowed the lump in her throat, “Wha— what did you say?”

Jennie was crying now, “I tried, Jis. I did. But I just— I just feel like this is not working out anymore. It hasn’t been for a while. I’m tired of convincing myself that we’re fine.”

Jisoo could probably count the number of times that she has cried before. Not because she was heartless but because she always thought it was a sign of weakness and she never liked showing vulnerability to people. 

Today was an exception. Vulnerability be damned. She felt like she was hit by a 10-wheeler truck. Or maybe worse. 

“Is there somebody else?”, Jisoo asked, pain evident in her voice.

Jennie was quick to answer, “No! It’s just that — it’s not working out anymore. We both know that. I’m unhappy, Jis. I know you are too.”

She knew this would happen. For the last 6 months, all they did was fight. They were never intimate with each other anymore. They were too busy with work. They don’t even go out anymore.

So yes, at the back of her mind Jisoo knew this would eventually happen. But she didn’t think Jennie would just stop being in love with her. Would just stop trying. Jisoo was tired too, but her love for her girlfriend kept her going. She was willing to work things out with her but obviously, Jennie made up her mind. Her girlfriend’s happiness must always come first. 

“So this is it, then?”, Jisoo tried to smile despite the tears flowing out of her eyes. She knew better than to beg. Jennie said she was unhappy. And that was the last thing that she wanted.

“I’m so sorry, Jisoo. I’m so sorry.”

 

_Everything has changed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m a sucker for angst. Sorry.


	3. Chapter 3

Jennie was lying in her bed on a Sunday morning. She was feeling a bit hungry but she couldn’t find herself to get up and brew herself some coffee and cook something for herself. _Jisoo always makes breakfast_ , the brunnette thought sadly. She felt like her world stopped when Jisoo left. Everything happened so fast and just like that, she was alone. 

Don’t get her wrong, she loved Jisoo with all her heart but she wasn’t _in love_ with her anymore. At least she thought so. It was inevitable. It had to happen.

She kept convincing telling herself that. But why does she feel this way? She should feel relieved, right? She didn’t wanna continue their relationship when she knew they were both unhappy. Right?

Jennie couldn’t help but feel guilty, though. When she thought about it, she did not even consider Jisoo’s feelings. Hell, she didn’t even have the audacity to ask what her ex-girlfriend wanted. All she thought about was herself. Her own happiness. What she wanted. _I’m so fucking selfish._

 

_Flashback. Last night._

_“Jisoo, you don’t have to go yet. This is your apartment too. Stay the night, at least. Please”_

_Jisoo heard her ~~girlfriend~~ ex girlfriend plead but she could not bare to look at her without breaking down. Let alone stay another night with her. She didn’t want Jennie to see her like this. She didn’t want to look even more pathetic in the eyes of the girl she loves._

_“This is for the best, Jennie. I just wanna be alone right now” the red haired girl painfully said, not looking at Jennie. She picked her bags up and went straight to the door._

_Jisoo finally looked at her favorite cat-like eyes, “I’ll have someone pick up my other stuff this week. I— I hope you find your happiness. Good bye, Jen.”_

_Jisoo has never felt so empty. And neither has Jennie._

 

—

 

It has been two months now since she got dumped tragically but Jisoo still couldn’t find herself to function well. How she managed to get up every morning to go to work beats her. 

Today was no different. Her new roommate slash workmate, Chaeyoung, had to carry her from bed and force her to eat. 

“Jisoo this is unhealthy. I understand that you’re still heartbroken, trust me, I do, but stop being such a child and EAT. Unless you want to die.” 

Jisoo’s eyes sparkled at the thought, “How many days do you think our body can last without food?”

Chaeyoung rolled her eyes at the dramatic girl, “Stop being ridiculous and please, for the love of Jesus Christ, eat. Oh and remember what you promised last week? We’ll go to the bar that I told you about. The bartender girl i’ve been crush on works tonight.”

Jisoo sighed at the thought. Honestly, she would rather stay in bed and cry herself to sleep on a Friday night. But she knew better than to disagree. She promised her roommate she’d try. 

“Fine. Only because I really want to finally meet the hot bartender you’ve been obssessing about and embarrass you.” 

Chaeyoung blushed at the thought. “Shut up,  
I’m not obssessed. And don’t you dare sabotage me, Kim Jisoo! Plus who knows, maybe you could score yourself a one night stand. You know what they say, the best way to get over a breakup is to get under someone.” The blonde girl winked at her friend who was now eating. Finally.

The red haired beauty rolled her eyes, “You know what they say, Park Chaeyoung is an idiot.”

Jisoo received a slap on her arm.

 

—

 

This was a bad idea. She should’ve just stayed at home and watched sad movies, at least it would match her mood. Everyone in the bar is either flirting or sucking each others’ faces. Which, quite frankly, made her bitter.

“Loosen up, Chu! We came here to have fun! Not sulk. Here, drink.” Chaeyoung gave her friend a shot of tequila.

Jisoo scrunched her face at the disgusting taste. “No, we came here to see your “future girlfriend”. Where is she by the way? Let’s get this night over with and go home.”

“Her shift starts in 3 mins, maybe she’s running a bit late.” 

Jisoo smirked, “Oh wow, you even know her schedule. Nice going, Miss Stalker!”

Chaeyoung felt embarrassed because yes, as a matter of fact, she did some stalking. Sue her.

The red haired girl laughed and stood up, “I’m just gonna go to the comfort room. I think I got a wedgy.”

The blonde snorted.

—

Chaeyoung was starting to get impatient when she finally heard someone call her name, “Hi, Chaeyoung. It’s good to see you again!” 

“Uhh, yeah! I’m — I came here from work. It was pretty exhausting so I thought I’d have some drinks.” Chaeyoung smiled shyly. _Fuck. She’s so pretty._

“Right. Work can be pretty exhausting at times. My friends from my other work are actually coming tonight for some drinks. Boss has been stressing us out lately.” 

Chaeyoung was about to answer when she saw Jisoo coming from the comfort room.

“Chu, hey! Over here!” Jisoo heard her friend call her. She was about to say something when the bartender interrupted her.

“Jisoo?” 

“Lisa? Hey”, Jisoo was s a bit taken aback. Memories from the night she called her to ask about Jennie came rushing back but she kept her cool demeanor.

Chaeyoung looked confused, “Wait, you guys know each other? How?”

Lisa smiled uncomfortably, “I’m uh, one of Jennie’s co-workers.”

Jisoo cleched her jaw at the mention of her ex. Meanwhile, Chaeyoung suddenly yanked Jisoo’s arm. Lisa mentioned her co-workers coming tonight and she didn’t want her roommate to see Jennie. “I forgot I have something to do tonight. Let’s go”

But before Jisoo could stand up, a voice Jisoo could recognize anywhere interrupted them.

“Hey, Lis! We’re here!” 

Jisoo never wanted to get out of a bar so fast in her life. But she didn’t want to look like a pathetic girl who couldn’t face her ex-girlfriend without having an emotional breakdown. So she turned around and faced her former lover.

She missed those eyes. She remembered when Jennie used to look at her with so much love and adoration. 

“Jennie. H— Hi” she hated herself for stuttering like an idiot.

Jennie couldn’t get herself to utter a single word. Jisoo looked beautiful. There were obvious bags under her eyes and she looked thinner than the last time she saw her but she god was she beautiful. The way her dress hugged her bod—

“Babe! Lisa! Hey guys”, Jennie’s thoughts were interrupted.

 _Kai. Babe. He called her Babe. They’re together._ Jisoo thought. She was feeling sick. She needed to get out of here. 

And so she did. She ran and ran until she got tired. Chaeyoung found her 10 minutes later, drowning in her own tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Don’t forget to leave kudos :)


	4. Chapter 4

Numb. Hurt. Miserable.

Jisoo didn’t think it was possible to feel all these at the same time. She just wanted to at least have fun last night and to forget her problems but of course she can’t catch a break can she? The universe is probably laughing at her right now.

Of course Jennie is with Kai. Of course she moved on. She’s Jennie Kim, for fuck’s sake. Anyone would be crazy over her. She felt like a fucking loser. 

Her ex-girlfriend is moving on and here she was, back to square one. Back to crying and moping. Back to starving herself and worrying her roommate who’s probably tired of dealing with the mess that Jisoo is.

“Jisoo, are you seriously not going to come out of your room again?”. Chaeyoung peeked at the red-head girls’s room, trying to get her to eat again.

“Chaeng, I’m fine. Just leave me alone.” Jisoo stubbornly said. 

Chaeyong huffed in annoyance and was about to leave when Jisoo called her, “Chaeng? Remember that girl you were trying to set me up with?”

“Seulgi? Yes I remember. Why? You’re not going to use her as your rebound are you? Because she’s my friend, Chu.”

Jisoo sat up and said, “No. I just— I wanna try, Chaeyoung. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I want to try. I’m not gonna use her, I promise.”

The blonde looked at her skeptically and sighed. “Okay, give me your phone and i’ll type her number. But.. be careful, okay?” 

Jisoo nodded. She doesn’t deserve this sadness. She can’t keep telling herself that she’s unlovable. She needs to move on and at least try. She owes it to herself.

So she texts Seulgi.

—

There were a lot of things going on in Jennie’s mind right now. How beautiful Jisoo looked. How much she missed her. How she hastily walked out when Kai called her babe.

_Great. Jisoo thought he was my boyfriend. Oh fuck fuck fuck._

Basically, Jennie is a mess. She didn’t know why she felt like she needed to explain to Jisoo that Kai and her are not together. Well, she didn’t wanna tell her either that they kind of slept together when Jennie was finding comfort from someone and the boy was there. Since then, Kai has been persistent on trying to date her even though she rejected him for so many times

Over the last two months, she burried herself with work. It was the only way to somehow not think about her ex. She didn’t want to admit it, but she missed Jisoo. 

She could have tried harder to work things out with her. There were a lot of ways to solve their obvious issues but no, she had to ruin it because she was “tired”. She threw away their 3-year relationship because she was tired. Surely Jisoo was as exhausted as she was but the girl at least tried.

Jennie shook her head and got up abruptly. She didn’t want to think about the “could have’s” and “what if’s”. She brought this upon herself and as much as she wants to try again with Jisoo, she knew she couldn’t. She can’t just come crawling back to her ex after what she’s done. It’s not like Jisoo would give her another chance anyway. Especially after what happened last night. She needs to move on.

The question is: can she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t forget to leave comments and kudos!


End file.
